Cocktail Time?

One of the first decisions I made when wedding planning was the desire to have a venue either in or within walking distance of a hotel.  Why?  Because I wanted an abundance of alcohol, and not just any alcohol, I wanted some fresh, microbrewed drafts.  You see, Mr. Biscuit and I are beer people (some would call us beer snobs), and the day just wouldn't be complete without some of our favorite pretentious beers.  How snobby are we?  Well, Mr. Biscuit actually does beer tastings and has a beer blog...and I like cold hoppy stuff.

When Mr. Biscuit and I attend dental school parties, we often feel out of place and often feel pretty icky the next morning.  Cheap domestic beers seem to defy the laws of hydration for us, and give us killer hangovers.  Seriously, I've been in bed until 2 pm after having one.

So, we had one thing settled within 24 hours of being engaged (actually, we may have discussed this before I had a rock on my fourth digit).  We would have two kegs of microbrews: one keg of Dogfish Head 90 minute to satisfy the people who like flower beer (aka IPAs) and a keg of Great Lakes Dortmunder Gold to tip the hat to my alma mater and to satisfy people who enjoy beer that's (far) less heavily hopped and contains (far) lower ABV.  Mr. Biscuit and I also realized that many people don't like beer.  No big deal, we'd also have wine and mixed drinks.  I didn't really care if we had liquor or not, but since my father is sensitive to gluten, he prefers to imbibe bourbon of the Knob Creek and Makers Mark variety, so I assumed it was a given.

But things couldn't be this darned easy could they?  Oh no, my parents had to throw a wrench in the works.  In true teetotaler fashion, they stated that they didn't want ANY liquor at the wedding.  Not a drop.  They said they didn't want the reception to get too rowdy.  I didn't have the heart to tell them that having a 9% ABV beer and unlimited other beers and wine would probably get the party started pretty quickly.  Well, I did have the heart to tell them, but I didn't want them to go all 18th amendment on my wedding and make us toast using O'Douls.  Sigh.

Now let's jump ahead to our first meeting with our venue coordinator.  I vaguely remembered being at a wedding recently that had fresh drafts and a kegerator built into the bar.  When I mentioned to the coordinator that I didn't want any liquor, just beer and wine, she was amicable about my decision.  Then I proceeded to tell her that Mr. Biscuit and I were VERY particular about our beer and would like to choose some microbrews to serve.  Again, she was quite receptive to this request.  Cool coordinator, right?   Then, I dropped the K bomb.  I said, "Oh, and my fiance would be very happy if we could have kegs of said microbrews."  (Yes, when I feel like I'm asking for something that's a stretch, I say it's Mr. Biscuit's idea.  I'm nice.)  That woman looked at me like I had just killed 25 puppies and made them into a matching fur coat/handbag set.

OK, so my venue did NOT have kegerators in their bars.  Got it.  After I realized that, I understood her look of horror.  I mean, I don't really want people to be pumping a keg in the middle of a ballroom.  Should we get red beer pong cups too?  Because that would be the epitome of class.  My coordinator probably thinks I'm a heathen now.

Eventually, all of the alcohol got squared away.  We would have three microbrews, wine, and domestic beers for those with a less sophisticated palette (as I type this, my nose is stuck 3 feet in the air).  We were originally only supposed to have 2 microbrews included in our package; however, Mr. Biscuit and I attended a bridal show and lady luck was on his side.  Mr. Biscuit had decided to retreat to the hotel bar during the fashion show because he's a smart guy.  In the bar, they were having a putting contest.  If you could make three putts in a row, you got a bar upgrade.  Mr. Biscuit was the only groom of the day to get that upgrade.  Go team!   3 microbrews and domestic beers for the price of two!  And while I had proclaimed that Bud Light would NEVER be served at my wedding, I reneged.  Sometimes, you have to pick your battles, and this was one that I didn't care about anymore. 

I was pretty pleased with the alcohol situation and stopped thinking about it, until I started receiving flak.  Apparently, people really get up in arms when they hear they can't get liquor.  I was not aware of this because I rarely drink liquor at weddings.  I've also (incorrectly) assumed that pretty much everyone likes either beer or wine if they like to drink alcohol.  Instead, it seems that people just expect that they'll be able to get tequila shots and Jagerbombs at my wedding.

I would NEVER express my discontent with the alcohol situation at a wedding to the bride or really anyone.  Of course, whenever wedding related etiquette comes into play I always ask myself WWMD (What Would Martha Do?)?  I'm clearly in the minority about this, because I'm pretty sure that Martha would never engaged in a conversation like this as a guest:

*after idle small talk*
Acquaintance: "Your wedding sounds so exciting!"
Me: "Oh yes, Mr. Biscuit and I are really excited because we get the microbrews we wanted."
Acquaintance: "Ah, what other alcohol will you be having?"
Me: "Um, well, we're having the beer and different types of wine.  My parents nixed any liquor."
Acquaintance: "What?!?!?!?!" (imagine the killing puppies look again)
Me: "Yeah, I mean, Mr. Biscuit and I don't really drink anything other than beer and wine, so we thought it would be silly to..."
Acquaintance: "Why don't you just have a signature drink?  Or a cash bar for liquor?!?!"
Me: "No.  Money is not the issue, we just didn't want liq--"
Acquaintance: "Why would you do this to me?!?!?!  AAAHHHHHHHHHH."

At this point, acquaintance's head starts spinning, his/her eyes turn red, and then he/she promptly begins to spew green goo.

As much as I hate these confrontations, I'm spreading the word as rapidly as possible to as many people at possible before the wedding, so my guests can plan accordingly.  To be blunt, if it means that much to someone, they can bring a flippin' flask.  If only it was appropriate to write this on the Save the Dates:

"At our wedding, you will get free appetizers, dinner, dessert, and good beer and wine.  If you want something else, smuggle it in.  Formal invitation to follow."

However, I'm pretty sure Martha would send me to the etiquette equivalent of Camp Cupcake for that one.

Have you had to deal with displeased guests?  How are you dealing with the alcohol situation?  Any ideas for our third beer?

Disclaimer: Neither Mr. Biscuit nor I are alcoholics.  Really.  Pinky promise.  We enjoy the more than occasional spirit, but we know our limits.  Drink responsibly :).